Guides
Getting through a breakup,
one question at a time.
Plain answers to the questions people search for after a breakup, based on published research and honest about what it doesn’t say.
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
There’s no fixed number of weeks. Research that follows people after a breakup finds that distress usually eases gradually, in waves rather than a straight line, and that people take quite different paths. It tends to take longer after a long relationship, if you didn’t choose the ending, or if you’re still in regular contact.
Read the guideThe no contact rule: what the evidence says
For most people, no contact helps, as a way to recover rather than a tactic to win someone back. In one study of recently separated adults, more in-person contact with an ex predicted more distress two months later. No research sets a magic number of days. If you share children, a home or money, keep contact to logistics.
Read the guideWhy can’t I stop thinking about my ex?
Because losing someone you were close to leaves a strong pull, a bit like a craving, and your mind keeps returning to it. Thinking about them a lot early on is normal. What tends to keep the pain going is brooding: going over the same questions without getting anywhere. Noticing it and gently redirecting your attention helps.
Read the guideShould you check your ex’s social media?
It’s usually better not to. Checking an ex’s profiles has been linked to more distress, more longing and less personal growth after a breakup. That’s a link rather than proof of cause, but it’s a consistent one. Muting, unfollowing or archiving photos for now isn’t petty. It gives your recovery room.
Read the guideWhat to do in the first week after a breakup
Keep the first week small. Look after sleep and food, let people you trust near you, give yourself space from your ex and their profiles, and let big decisions wait. Feeling awful, even physically, is a normal response to a breakup, and people often find it less intense than they feared.
Read the guide
Shorter answers are in the FAQ, and the studies behind them are on The science. These guides are general information, not a substitute for professional help. If you’re struggling right now, get help now.